Protocol Before Entering Heaven

Protocol Before Entering Heaven

Ten Steps

1.Bowel Wash

First we clean the bowel with a bowel wash.

2. Hand Wash and Body Wash

Nothing unusual but may not need any detergents.

Simple soap is allowed if requested.

3. Content Incineration

All the food in bowel washouts in this stage is incinerated.

4. Head Wash

Most of these items are done by the funeral directors.

Aren't they?

Yes, but the heaven we still prefer a follow up clean.

5. Brain Wash

Washing the brain of rubbish that are put on you by the psychologists.

Under hypnosis a psychologist on earth will tell you that one swallows 3 to 10 spiders a night on an average. This type of false propaganda has to be washed out completely.

6. Brain Drain

Is a technique to get all redundant information like

Positive Thinking

Creative Brain

Logical Brain

Lateral Brain

One uses 10% of the Brain, and the lot.

Then we drain all the psychological theories put on your brain by management trainers on earth.       

They are all rubbish and has no validity on heaven.    

This is the most difficult part of the clean up process.

Then I told him we spend enormous amount of money for these training programs.

That is not my problem.

But if you can avoid these American programs,        it is so much the better, if you consider entering heaven.

You mean to say, lot of Americans will never sight the heaven.

That is True my dear.

What about their M.B.A. and Emotional Intelligent Training, they teach in Harvard.

They are useless in heaven.

7. Brain Train

Then we train them to think.

After the above six stages we start on “Moment Meditation”.

I said, I was very good at present moment meditation training and since I was very short of memory, especially of the past events.

But I am very bad at “Metta Meditation”, since we have lot of mosquitoes in Ceylon.

If I can avoid killing mosquitoes that is the entry point to                       “Metta Meditation” in real.

Since, I do not have any enemies in heaven,       

I have to quit  “Metta Meditation”.

In my past life, I have had only a few friends and I am not sure any of them have entered heaven, before me.

8. Moment Meditation

I do it myself.

9. Metta Meditation.

I actually delegate this part to earthlings who come here. But when I saw the nice aura around your vertex, I was naturally inquisitive.

10. Train Control Room

This is for other earthly beings.

When I get any of those Trained Brained Guys (T.B.G) from earth come here by sheer chance and  when they asked me for big favors, I put them in a Train and put one of their guys in  the control room.

I take a break, immediately.

These clever guys on earth must get to very good places in heaven, won't they?

NO.

What?

They drive themselves to Hell in this train.

Hell?

Yes.

Don't you realize that one needs very little brain to enter heaven.

You only need a big brain to hoodwink another big brain.

That is necessary only on earth.

Not in heaven.

Don't be too brainy and he disappeared.