Diplomatic Immunity

I had diplomatic immunity for one year in 1989.

Nobody wanted to join this institution but I volunteered.

The doctor before me ran away to UK.

Only one guy told me to go ahead and accept the challenge and my family was ambivalent.

The guy who said YES is an alcoholic now but I tried to help him but could not.

I never managed to wean him off from alcohol.

Alcoholic is always an alcoholic!

I will deal with the alcoholic part later.

My attraction was sports.

There was a swimming pool and I was in charge of it.

My job was to keep it free of viral hepatitis.

I did it with chlorine and the cost of one treatment was Rs.500,000/=.

My pay was tiny fraction of chlorine!

We had a tennis court and a squash court and I could play neither with those huge guys.

I did play table tennis and badminton.

After Peradeniya University that was the best sports academy, I ever worked.

Peradeniya did not have a swimming pool, then but I did managed to complete the swimming pool project as a seconded officer.

I was sports president, then and we managed to collect the first Rs.100,000/= and placed it in a fix deposit.

I trained the swimming pool guy to do the chlorination for our safety.

I never had a dip there.

I think it is in run down state under Ra Nil (blue toddy guy). They never reimburse the money for chlorination.

But my forte was the billiard table and I used to beat all the white guys at the table.

My charge for winning was only a glass of beer.

Now I am teetotaler but I was not then.

To add to that problem I was in charge of the Bar, apart from supervising the restaurant and the barbecue menu.

Good foreign alcohol was in short supply then.

The bar tender used to break the seals and adulterate it with Pol Arrack.

My clients got the sniff of it and asked me to take over the store.

Gladly, I did.

Key was with me.

The bar tender had to open the seal of each bottle in front of me and record each tot.

The payment is made at the end of the month.

It was similar to University "Water Hole"  the money was debited from our salary at the end of the month (we used to drink on credit).

I told him I will sack him if he adulterates even a peg.

I always had my favourite wine never above 2 pegs since my snooker cues go berserk beyond that level.

The guy mentioned above who said I joined the unit used join me for a drink since rest of the places were closed. I do not think I made him an alcoholic.

He could not play snooker.

There was another guy whom I cannot remember (may be an accountant) used to come to the club and trained him to play.

He picked up the game and I use to beat him in the last five minutes.

Being a good sportsman, I let him beat me in the last game (the place was unceremoniously closed) since I owed him a beer for joining me.

Besides, he can brag about that I beat the doctor in the last game.

If I remember right, I took home all the sticks, jumpers and stands home.

It was sad to realize when I was in New Zealand the Mason Basses had used them to do thier work of lining and my mother in law did not intervene.

Hockey sticks were safe.

There was no billard marker. He lost his job.

It was open on Poya Days, too (for me and the foreign guys).

On, one Poya day a policeman on duty came for a drink and he wanted to take a bottle away.

I said NO!

He can drink any amount on my account but he cannot take anything away.

My security was supposed to be guaranteed but I never trusted him.

Billiards prevented me from becoming an alcoholic!

Indians Outside of Cricket

Kenyans call Indians Black Jews.
It is nothing but true.
I agree with Kenyans.

I have never met an Indian in Ceylon but met a lot of them in UK.

Followings are factual events.

1. Indian Post Office Woman

Long time ago we had to take American Travellers Cheques as foreign exchange.

Government gave us only 50 dollars as allowance.

I took $35/= as travellers cheque and the rest as cash.

I finished $15/= in no time mostly for stamps to apply for various posts advertised in the BMJ.

I was in Hounslow near the Heathrow airport.

On a Saturday, I went to a nearby post office and filled the form for cashing the travellers cheque.

I mentally calculated the amount in pounds and I felt I was short roughly $5/= dollars.

I told her you cheated me 5 dollars and I am good in my mental arithmetic.

Furthermore, I am not an Indian and a Ceylonese.

Without a do I got the exact amount in pounds and pennies.

She never apologized!

2. On another occasion, I went to buy some spices and a few food items for my "primitive cooking episodes"  to an Indian boutique.

He did not give me a receipt.
I demanded a receipt.

When I checked the receipt I found items which I did not buy included in the receipt.

I had big argument with the guy and told him I will report you to the police.

He did give me the correct balance and the correct receipt.

I never went to an Indian shop in my entire stay in UK.

3. Our entire family went to India on a pilgrimage.

I declined saying Zimba our dog need somebody.

The reasons were already  mentioned above for me not going to India.

I hate Indians who cheat me.

4. One day I was stranded in Bombay Airport since I missed the connection to London.

I had stay overnight and there were Malaria Mosquitoes in the airport lounge. I cannot remember how many mosquitoes, I killed.

There was no air conditioning and it was pretty hot.

The meal receipt had to be encashed, since I was  hungry and almost half of the meal was placed in a bin nearby.

The Tea was horrible.

There are many more accounts but I would be brief.

I am sleepy after watching the Cricket Final.

Hearty "Congratulation to Australians" and the thrashing of Indians was pretty good.

Rest of the piece would come after 8 hours of sleep.

5. I was in charge of JICA project where doctors from Nepal, Bhutan and India were invited.

I said to J.I.C.A. I would only do the introduction and the rest should be done by Dental Guys.

As a part of the introduction I made a go round display of 25 slides and few mounted Museum specimens.

With the Indians around I was doubly cautious.

When they went for their lunch I did a survey and found a few things missing (where the Indian was placed).

In the next session, I said few items (did not name the items) were missing and unless they are replaced no more classes.

I left the laboratory and told my senior technician (he is no more) to recheck by the next session.

Items were returned and this Indian guy never came back but others did.

6. This piece should conclude with one simple comment.

I do not agree caste segregation of Indians and Tamils.

I stand up with Ambedkar and harijans!

My batched had a harijan from Jaffna.

He was discriminated and he gave up medicine.

I took him home in Kandy and helped him to get through the M.B.B.S.

He did join the government service and was killed by L.T.T.E in Batticolow few years later.

That is my personal grouse with the L.T.T.E.