Brain Train Dream
The Scheme in Heaven
This dream was short but I think it is appropriate for me to reproduce it here since it is relevant to Metta Meditation and Heavenly Aboard.
In my dream, I was in real trouble.
I was trying to find a toilet for number 1 job.
Not number 2.
I was on holiday of some sort, in an unfriendly place on this planet.
It was a remote place which looked like Alaska.
It would not have been in Alberta, looking for tar sand or rare earth metal deposits.
Alberta is a landlocked province located in Western Canada which I have no intention of visiting in this life.
Trouble was I could not find a self contained cubicle to do my job.
Out of sight and out mind type of scenario.
Finally, I found a place without the roof with the squatting plate made of marble.
A posh site without guys waiting in a queue to follow me.
What was striking was it was without a roof, in open air.
Refreshing for a void.
It got to be Alaska not Alberta.
Then I sat down but its size and proportions made me to realize it was not made for a man of my size but probably for a giant.
The second problem was to find a little plastic container to fetch some water to do the final bottom clean up.
Unlike, the guys and girls of the West who use paper toilet, we still prefer the wet toiletry and getting wet in the process.
Finally, I found a thrash can.
In actual fact three in number placed one on top of the other.
It looked like an alien vessel left by a pre-historic alien visitor.
The top part for navigation, the middle part for the aliens and the third part for safe landing, may be.
It was almost fossilized.
I dug it up from the snow and found the door for the middle compartment.
I was finally ready, armed to the teeth as it were, now of course, ready for the plunge or the big drop.
I was figuring out how to make a simple do and make a quick exit before somebody click an iReport on my exploits on a hitherto barren land and send it to CNN for a quick Flash of News.
I was rudely interrupted by a guy who looked to me like 5 star janitor wearing something which looked like a spacesuit which I had not seen before.
It was bright and in golden color.
Other strange thing was he looked like he never touched the ground, as if he was levitating.
He splashed a golden creamy stuff which looked like egg shampoo, on the marble floor and then splashed double the amount of the stuff on the bath tub (size of tiny water pool) and turned round in a flash towards me, telling me, that I should position my feet on the correct alignment marked by what looked like to me an elephant footprints and to my amazement he was trying to positioned my feet and not my bottoms on the correct trajectory.
It was a strange feeling.
I was trying my bottom to be in correct alignment in this massive cesspit but he was trying to get my feet aligned and he was about to hold my foot and I felt ticklish and embarrassed.
Next thing, I knew was I was holding my right foot with one hand and the other hand on my bottoms to see whether I had some accidental runs in my sleep.
Neither.
Woke up but not in need for any voids.
In any case, in my half dreamy state I walked to the toilet and tried the big one.
No void.
Tried the number two, a tiny dribble.
I soon realized, I was only dreaming and quickly went back to my bed for the second round of my sleep without any interruption by dreams or mosquitoes.
I was hard pressed for a good dream and Maha Brahma would be equally pleased to interpret this in any case, I decided to email it when I am really woken up and in correct senses.
True to his character he answered the dream in kind.
I asked him was there a second part.
NO he said.
Is it futuristic?
Yes he said.
Was it Alaska?
NO.
Where was it?
Can't you guess?
It got to be heaven.
It got to be me going to heaven?
I am not suppose to tell that to you in advance.
It was very dull dream, I reflected.
No son, it is a very good one.
In case, if you want to come here it is good for you to know the heaven protocol.
Isn't it?
Yes Sir.
Are there marble toilets in heaven?
We really like marble floors on toilets.
Even on our final resting place on earth is marble floored and lined, I told him.
The last thing we do before we leave earth is,
Say Good Bye to toilets.
We do not have toilets in heaven.
But we have a small area designated for earthlings just before one enters heaven.
What you saw in your dream is the quarantine in practice.
Who was that guy?
Was he doing quarantine?
He was a guy working in the parliament in Ceylon. He was the one who used to remove all the offensive language before entering them into the Hansard.
Is that enough to enter heaven?
Yes.
In that case no parliament MP enters the heaven.
Yes.
Thank God for telling that truth.
Shall I tell you the protocol now?
Yes, Sir.
We have 10 steps for proper quarantine at the gate of heaven.
I will give that in a list form.
OK, Sir.
Protocol Before Entering Heaven
Ten Steps
1.Bowel Wash
First we clean the bowel with a bowel wash.
2. Hand Washand Body Wash
Nothing unusual but may not need any detergents.
Simple soap is allowed if requested.
3. Content Incineration
All the food in bowel washouts in this stage is incinerated.
4. Head Wash
Most of these items are done by the funeral directors.
Aren't they?
Yes, but the heaven we still prefer a follow up clean.
5. Brain Wash
Washing the brain of rubbish that are put on you by the psychologists.
Under hypnosis a psychologist on earth will tell you that one swallows 3 to 10 spiders a night on an average. This type of false propaganda has to be washed out completely.
6. Brain Drain
Is a technique to get all redundant information like
Positive Thinking
Creative Brain
Logical Brain
Lateral Brain
One uses 10% of the Brain, and the lot.
Then we drain all the psychological theories put on your brain by management trainers on earth. They are all rubbish and has no validity on heaven. This is the most difficult part of the clean up process.
Then I told him we spend enormous amount of money for these training programs.
That is not my problem.
But if you can avoid these American programs, it is so much the better, if you consider entering heaven.
You mean to say, lot of Americans will never sight the heaven.
That is True my dear.
What about their M.B.A. and Emotional Intelligent Training, they teach in Harvard.
They are useless in heaven.
7. Brain Train
Then we train them to think.
After the above six stages we start on “Moment Meditation”.
I said, I was very good at present moment meditation training and since I was very short of memory, especially of the past events.
But I am very bad at “Metta Meditation”, since we have lot of mosquitoes in Ceylon.
If I can avoid killing mosquitoes that is the entry point to“Metta Meditation” in real.
Since, I do not have any enemies in heaven, I have to quit“Metta Meditation”.
In my past life, I have had only a few friends and I am not sure any of them have entered heaven, before me.
8. Moment Meditation
I do it myself.
9. Metta Meditation.
I actually delegate this part to earthlings who come here. But when I saw the nice aura around your vertex, I was naturally inquisitive.
10. Train Control Room
This is for other earthly beings.
When I get any of those Trained Brained Guys (T.B.G) from earth come here by sheer chance and when they asked me for big favours, I put them in a Train and put one of their guys in the control room.
I take a break, immediately.
These clever guys on earth must get to very good places in heaven, won't they?
NO.
What?
They drive themselves to Hell in this train.
Hell?
Yes.
Don't you realise that one needs very little brain to enter heaven.
You only need a big brain to hoodwink another big brain.
That is necessary only on earth.
Not in heaven.
Don't be too brainy and he disappeared.
