Alcohol the Miracle Cure
Alcohol the Miracle Cure
Alcohol is the miracle treatment of mankind. It had been in productivity from the time immemorial. Its presence parallels the prosperity of mankind and its rate of consumption is a better index of growth rate of a nation. Through out history its consumption drops only during times of war. The rate we are consuming alcohol is an indication how peaceful and serene the life of an average Sri-Lankan is. For instance come, New Year and Christmas only queues one is likely to see in supper markets are the customers peacefully waiting for this precious commodity. This is specially so just before Poya holidays. By reflex action the veritable Buddhists and Christians replenish the stock of this vehicle of medicine (before long holidays), sensing just in case the production peak drops, and our industrial giants might have a stock market flop.
Why one should be writing an article on this commodity with medicinal value? Just to show the foreign experts the success story of this industry. In spite of the conflicts with our own kind we do not need any foreign expertise to support this industry. We only had some problem with this industry when kings and queens of this country had been advised by eminent Buddhists monks without economic know how.
However, this is a special time with elections coming round soon this industry will have a special kick. The boom of this industry is awaiting. Why do I say so? All the stake holders take part in propagating the national interests of the nation in need. For the politicians just before the public address bit of this medicine is the gift of god and gift of the jab. I was just watching the people who took part in recent parade from Devinuwara to Colombo. How happy the people were, in spite of the distance they covered? Essential ingredients were this miracle medicine they partook at the end of everyday of the walk.
Important thing was that the walker, in real sense the voter, did not have to foot the bill. Nobody talked about the inflation and its rate of rising and there was no belt tightening. In actual fact the belt were so loose after few rounds they looked as if they were in heaven. This is something unique about campaigning and champagning at election times. My advice for the voter is to have the champagne before the final count. Because after the final count the losers want (sometime the winners also) be able to pay.
My special interests of course are the journalists and the expert commentators (some of them are giving running commentaries while they are running after the candidates). But my caution for the losers, there want be anybody to wipe the tears (only to wipe the tears of joy). Journalist of course in this period of time would get a helping of special brands imported variety. They should actually be liberal on these opportunities and it comes with the gift of the gab and the editorials become less incisive but buttered with sharp edges on both sides of the divide. The journalists are the one who should have windfalls with increase number of regular readership not seen before. I was benefited by the captain Haddock’s saying nincompoop. Our journalists must change it to nicampop (the type of experts that are popping up from academic and nonacademic circles) from the tradition of nicambook and colombook varieties. People like me who have other interests including academic should take a low profile or should increase the douche in proportion to the degree of boredom.
There are two or three other categories of individuals who are benefited by liberal intake of this miracle drink. They are the police, the doctors, lawyers and the young drivers with a drinking habit.
Drink Driving
The role of drinking and driving in Sri-Lanka is commendable. Why I say that? They kill themselves when they are young (even before procreation). We have inadvertently solved the problem. These potent virile genes are eliminated liked the tusked elephants of the wild who are becoming extinct due to aggressive poaching in the past. In fact LTTE has eliminated most of the tusked elephants in the recent past, we will only have mediocre alcoholic elephants of the two feet variety. I advise the hierarchy of the elephants to hire nonalcoholic chauffeurs if they wish to preserve their genes in posterity.
Doctors’ Attitude
There is some interesting statistics emerging from the west. The stereotype of a medical student is the hard working, hard playing and hard drinking individual who carry these genetic traits as a young general practitioner. Since we follow the western traits our young doctors are no different. Public have a very wrong impression of them unfortunately. They are actually a hard working lot. Only way they can arrange for an alcoholic binge is to organize a lightening strike. The patients should be mindful of this
departure from the norm and take a leaf out of the doctor’s diary and follow the traditional healing methods. The miracle alcohol!
A point of departure, for one of my personal experiences. The children’s great grandma who was in her late eighties was bit of out of sort. I could not point a finger at the basic problem. I decided to investigate. These episodes happen to coincide with the arrival of her pension. Being health conscious the grandma (daughter of the great grandma) used to buy a bottle of Dasa Moola Aristaya for her and to my amazement she finishes this in a day or two. To my horror this Aristaya had about 25% alcohol. Gradually I weaned her off from this habit and the miracle treatment and changed her to a selective calming influence of Vallergan (used in paediatrics patients) until her timely demise. Just come to a relevant point and how our Mahanayakes get a liberal supply of this quite innocuous time old Aurvedic medicine. I would not elaborate on this instead some reflections of alcohol and the Church, Pansal and Dansal. Authorities in Church found it necessary to order that any priest who got drunk before a service should do three days penance but did not regard alcohol as posing (as a poison) a great threat to the souls of the laity. Quite opposed to the Buddhist monks attitude who get a general helping of Dasa Moola Aristaya and Aswagandha Moolaristaya as a dhana supplement and preach the merits of five precepts to the laity. This is the cardinal attraction (alcohol) of Buddhists who convert themselves to Christianity. That is of course my opinion.
Doctors in the west have a problem. Who needs help? Is it the doctor himself or the patient? That is the dilemma. Medical faculties of the west have not found a solution to this problem. We have to find a way to introduce it to our curriculum when a proper study is evaluated in the west. The western model is going to be the best.
We in our faculty started the tobacco cessation unit some time ago. (Even before this unit was established I was trying to wean off one our workaholic messenger boys but failed miserably).
In our preliminary discussions, I suggested that we should make it an Alcohol and Tobacco Cessation Unit. We are hitting two birds with one stone I said. It was my medical colleagues (not Dental) who opposed the idea on the ground of human rights violation. I of course promptly accepted the democratic consensus knowing very well I was outnumbered.
Lawyers’ Attitude
Attitude of Sri-Lankan lawyers is commendable. The way they interpreted our constitution and the representations (or is it misrepresentation?) made by eminent lawyers make me feel dwarfed in my stature. They actually deserve a bit of this miracle medicine for the stresses they underwent propagating arguments and counterarguments for and against of having two presidencies (terms) for the count of one. They have one more issue raised by our learned politicians i.e.; the lowering of the age of consent to 13 years. Our lawyers and law makers might even split their brains (most of them of course have split brains one for this country and other for the country they wished their children would have been born) protecting the human rights of paedophiles (especially if they are of foreign kind) showing a single case that had taken place (for example an act of a paedophile king in our history) in our history as a precedence to persevere with their cause for lowering the age of consent still lower, say to 5 years (Mahathma Ghandhi wouldn’t have liked, it if he was alive). Lawyers find this medicine adjutant to their verbal skills especially when judges are also pampered with this article when they make a long recess to the chambers for deliberating vital points of departure from normal conventions. This medicine can be delivered to the opposing witnesses liberally so that at the question time they might get so confused to which party they are appearing. Using this ploy one can win most of the cases but when the other party also applies this strategy going might get tricky. In that situation a long recess to the chambers would benefit one party to get sober before the other. It is more than likely that the sober party would lose the case unless of course a replenishment of the article is made within the premises without getting caught to the police.
Attitude of the Police
This is something by compulsion I should not write a lot except for releasing one of my secrets of success as a District Medical Officer. If the police wanted me for a quick postmortem in the jungle they should provide me with the best sweet toddy (not honey- there was plenty of jaggery including sauce those days) before the ordeal and what better transport than the Police Jeep? Vehicles were hard to come by those days. Now the breathalyser has come into existence they have got a wonderful ally, but the Police Chief should do an inward survey of the prevalence of this pastime in the forces once in a way.
Biochemists and the Academics
This is the time (elections) even quite docile academics (all universities included) would come forward with all the ammunition firing in all directions, expecting some to hit the target audience. This is welcome with a liberal sprinkle of alcoholic beverages of the foreign variety. Unlike those days we do not get a good supply (foreign) unless we go for a British Council ceremony or similar function. For biochemists of course if I can find a single personality who does not (a professional achievement-not a hazard) consume this medicine I would like to revise my biochemistry at a time of great biotechnology revolution.
Medical Benefits
Alcohol is (red vine) is protective to the heart both soul and in physical terms when taken in moderation. However, I would not define what is moderate in a scientific sense. In general terms moderation is defined by how affluent one is. An experience abroad worth mentioning. There was a mum with pregnancy induced hypertension and eclampsia and she was having fits which were not responding to standard treatment. We decided to give her an alcohol drip and she responded. So who says alcohol is no miracle?
There is one problem however, we do not have an enzyme in our system to metabolize alcohol and have to use an enzyme in the normal vital metabolic pathway and that is why it is known as a metabolic cell poison which is universal. The biotechnologist must transplant the metabolic pathway that is seen in the yeast as a subsidiary metabolic pathway in human beings as soon as possible. When this is done one needs not wait in the queue before poya holidays. Our body can form it within oneself with only a bit of sugar. That is the only contribution from me as a pathologist.
Good bye to the baker’s yeast.
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