Pelican and Tortoise Story

Pelican and Tortoise Story

You may think that the war efforts are accomplished that most of the flying officers are grounded and not flying any more.

Nothing of that kind but a flight record of a blackbox conversation of the final 5 to 7 minutes of ill fated flight of SL (UL-Usually Late) named P.P.P.

Thank god it is not a civilian flight but a training flight with only two involved one surviving and the other succumbing to injuries ending at Mahabrahma for another round of life cycle.

I have to put the middle of the story first (but the beginning will related briefly in the flight record) to make brief and interesting and I may have to go for another record for how Maha Brama (his assistant-that part would be interesting) dealt with the emerging crisis.

Flying is a pastime for some (politicians on our money and government coffers) and fantasy for many Ceylonese.

Many Ceylonese young blood wants to become a flying officer but never get a chance to get there. I remember I wanted to become a volunteer officer many moons ago but even though I had all the qualifications and the paper work my application never got to the scrutiny table when Public Service was in operation.

It is a different story now that the Chief Minister decides the fate of everybody.
In this story chief Minister also has a fair share of involvement.

Sit tight and listen to the flight recorded data.

The conversation is between a pelican and the flying officer in training.

You may wonder what the hell the pelican doing in the cockpit. He was not trapped in air but he was the trainer in white suit with beautiful avian stripes to adorn.

Yes he was the trainer.

Then who was the trainee?

The trainee was a typical Ceylonese man who went up the ladder by being a yes man all his life without any decoration or qualification to boast about.

He was somewhat similar to Bun Ki Moon who was a yes man for the big nations and red bully for small nations.

I hope you got the picture.

If he says yes to big shots he will be sure of another term in UNO.

Our man of course did not have applied mathematics but a forged certificate to say he passed the “O” Level in mathematics.

The conversation went like this.

Hello Sir!

You are my trainer?

Yes is there any problem?

No Sir have I got to Sir you.

It depends!

If you end up passing with flying colours yes but not otherwise.

He was bit confused but continued to say SiR to which the pelican with good senses did not object.

He was wanting to count how many times he Sirs him during the first flight.

Sir, you have a big beak but no hands.

So Sir, how are you going to help me with the joystick?

I have good eyes and a small brain and that were enough to navigate from Europe to Ceylon to escape from harsh winter believe me I can navigate you if you listen to me carefully instead of saying Sir.

He firmly ascertained his navigation skills.

Now nose up, flaps up and raise off the ground.

Yes Sir.

Now they were in flight in the first few seconds and the flying officer was inquisitive and wanted to find the loop holes in his flight instructors credibility to get some bonus in the first flight itself.

Sir how you come to become a trainer in Ceylon.

It is easy any foreign joker or a bird can get a job in Ceylon even in supermarkets without knowing food habits of locals. You just put a label for export and that works.

I had a export label tagged from my childhood he said.

Sir who appointed you and turned his head around and the plane two seater veered to the left?

Look what are doing get the nose straight.

OK Sir!

It is your chief minister who appointed me and it is a long story.

But Sir, I would like to hear more, thinking one day he might become a trainer himself by getting in good books with the Chief Minister and twisting his arms.

But your ex-chief Minister is a tortoise now.

How come Sir, I thought he went to heaven by the celebration we had after his death.

He never got a chance.

The way he abused official vehicles and the way he drove with the entourage annoyed the Maha and he decided to pace him down to earth and made him a tortoise.

Sir my goodness will the Maha makes me also a tortoise in my next birth Sir!

In the first place you have to die!

Are you ready for that.

Yes Sir!

This answer pleased the pelican very much since he knew he did not have to train this guy for long.

Where did you meet this Tortoise Chief Minister, SiR?

Near a lake flooded in Batticoloa with a water crab beside him.

The water crab was his escort Police Officer. on entourage who could always bend the law of the country for his master's favour in real life in Ceylon..

But he could not prevent the premature death of the entourage who met with a fatal accident.

SiR why he was made a crab

Two reasons.

It is a delicacy in Ceylon.

This officer could never walk straight with the law he always side stepped and went horizontally instead of straight.

By birth right he had to be a crab in next life.

SiR will I become a crab in next life.

This was too distracting for the pelican that the plane was in full speed now.

He said autopilot now!

My friend in excitement put the nose down.

He was only educated in Sinhala and could not read the English word autopilot and he pressed the button right under his nose without reading it in the first place.

The Pelican was very happy now that his flying lesson would end abruptly.

The Pelican opened the cockpit door and before making a nose dive himself said, your first and the last flying lesson is over.

Good bye and slammed the door closed.

To which our yes man said.

Yes Sir!

The rest is history and the blackbox is the only evidence we have now.

Incidentally this plane was taxied from Hambantota and landed nose down in the newly build port at Hambantota.

The blackbox was traced within minutes since the water level of the harbour is deep enough to see even a blackbox from above and our pelican friend hovered around it as if he was looking for a dead body of fish that helped the Navy very much.

Unfortunately the body of the victim was never found and the air force is still looking for the deserted officer in flight training and the flight trainer.

Our flying officer trainer, the pelican disappeared from his post.

I will tell you the rest of the story if you could count correctly the number of times this unfortunately grounded officer said Sirs in his first flight lesson instead of concentrating on flying and why the pelican deserted his post!

Flight P.P.P stands for Paksheta Pashsha Pora and I hear even the Pakshaya is having a nose dive now!

Please note even though these stories are quite akin to Buddhist stories and anthology, they are not designed for Dhamma sermons and any recitals without my implied consent will be strictly prohibited. 

The pelican was his annual pilgrimage to Ceylon to avoid harsh winter and got trapped in the Batticoloa floods and was waiting to devour some unfortunate sea fish that have come ashore.

When he was about to partake the first mouthful of fish in came the Tortoise Chief Minister (TCM) from nowhere and warned him not to do so.

He was puzzled.

I have been eating fish all my life how dare you intervene in my cuisine.

Brother do not be annoyed.

Be calm.

I will tell you the reason.

They are poisoned by accident and not by purpose or design.

We got a consignment of food for flood victims from UNO and in the transport of it on a vehicle with fertilizer by some strange coincidence the bags' label changed from UNO to USA and a certain politician in Colombo decided that they were no good for human consumption and not even for animals.

Then the local politician requested that they were to be dumped into sea.

The transport man designed a coup.

The food items were quickly changed hands with a label UREA and UREA was changed to USA by substituting S for EA. Then only a few UREA bags that contained deadly cadmium were dumped with political acumen to the sea in front of starving residents and they were asked to go fishing in troubled waters!

So you may now go fishing in troubled waters!

The pelican was visibly annoyed.

I traveled over 8000 miles to land hear on my holidays and you guys spoil it for me.

Don't you people advertise come here and tither?

Sorry for the misadventure it would have been a different story if the weather gods did not intervene.

The TCM said in a quiet voice.

You may go down further and find another island he suggested.

There are no islands till Antarctica and I haven't got the strength to fly that far.

Then he asked are you good in navigation.

Yes of course and if I may ask you why you raised that question?

Even though I am here I still have some connection with the Air Force Top Brass and I can fix you a job with them till spring with full on board service.

He was not happy but picked the crab instead and took to flight and landed on a tree top.

He tried hard to pierce the shell bone but could not and in with anger dumped the fellow down but it landed with a thud and turned upside up downside down and side tracked safely to water.

This he has never seen before and went back to the now friendly TCM and asked how come the shell of a Ceylon crab is so hard?

Elementary my dear!

He was in charge of my armed car when in service.

He was also in charge of making service to my vehicle with three quotations which is the usual practice.

He was given the bullet proof metal sample for verification.

He without my knowledge changed the specification to inferior quality metal and hid the real metal sample under his helmet and pocketed out the contract extras.

Then in the final blast of which we all died in an unfortunate accident the metal got stuck to his skin.

He is a hard nut in any case and difficult even for me to pierce his intentions!

In that case I say yes to your offer with some reservation.

That was how the pelican was made a the flying trainer for healthy remuneration.

He quited the service in mid air and deserted the post and ended as a Pelikan.

The chief minister who took over from the TCM was mildly hurt when on a routine test, a bullet pierced the serviced part of the vehicle and went inside.

It was an indirect hit;

That was why the injuries were minimal.

He quickly dumped the vehicle to junk and bought a new one from the fresh quota allocated to him. He did not forget to send a telegram to the ex-officer thanking him for his service acumen.

I had to deliver it through my special courier service in conjunction with Apaya International.

He was an ex-income tax officer who was seen as good choice for help for Mahana Brahma's Assistant not only as a Flying Officer but also as a delivery man.

Pelicans are known to deliver babies to mums at least when the second one arrives unexpectedly and the first one born asks the silly question from where the hell the second one came.

The pelican come into operational requirement of mothers often in the West but not so much here in Ceylon.

In this context as a delivery man he does not have to deliver babies but all what he has to do is to drop baskets full of documents to sea often containing false declarations made by expectant candidates for their next round of birth and to get favours from Maha Brahma's Assistant.

When he thinks something is cooked up especially coming from Ceylon, the assistant delvers them to the pelican to be dropped to sea so that the ink and all the forgeries are wiped out by the ocean currents (the ocean can take any rubbish come what it may).

On his return pelican has to pick a few of them back to heaven and the assistant checks to see if any merits are left tangled with the soggy paper and if not delivers them straight to Appaya (AI) International with a tag number for prompt action.

At AI the soggy paper is irradiated with UV light and then a special black ink is sprayed and that is when all the Papa Karmas are exposed for my equation to take cognizant and automatic reprisal by Apaya authorities.

Unlike in the heaven my equation has to be modified when new crimes like that are committed by American investors and speculators are discovered.

Very severe scrutiny is done unlike the Federal Regulators of USA.

The pelican is the go between the Apaya and the Heaven.

In some cases when the documents are landed on high ground or floating ice, there is a chance some might escape the sea currents and get a respite but if they are discovered on a subsequent birth it is not the pelican who is punished but the holder of the certificate.

Pelican has no jurisdiction in matters of merits and demerits but only a go between and a mechanism of delaying merits or demerits so that backlog is prevented at the any entry point be that it may be Apaya or Heaven.

Pelican navigation skill are considered to be complimentary to the operational mechanics.

How he became a trainer Flying Officers was purely an accident by meeting our crab and the tortoise at the lake side.

He was offered foreign currency initially by the Air Marshal but when he decided to pay that in Ceylonese equivalent of Rupees he really got annoyed since neither Apaya nor Heaven recognize Ceylonese Rupees.

That is why he deserted the Flying Operations in mid air.

I have suggested to remedy for this situation soon with a plastic card that automatically converts itself of the credit balance to the currency type moment the airspace of the country is entered but there are few navigational glitches / hitches when the pelican decides to stay in border zones like Palk Straight and the likes.

It is currently worn around the pelican neck and it has dual responsibility of location guide and a currency conversion. Once it is tested to Apaya AI’s satisfaction it will be used by our pelican and he may decide to return to his substantive post on Earth but that is all at his discretion.