Spacesuit and its Occupant

Spacesuit and its Occupant

This is an idea I hit upon by reading a blog writing of a experienced civil pilot not a fighter pilot.

Have you ever thought of the 50 things that a spacesuit occupant in space won't share with his body soul?

You probably have not but I was one who was very much interested in this in my school days and in early days as a medical student.

I cannot remember what I wrote then but this is an attempt to revise some of those physiological constraints not in any particular order or in order of merits.

Suffice is to say I get a sickly feeling when I think of the space (occupied especially by alien elements) and spacesuit.

Imagine yourself trapped in a escalator without illumination (light) and the computer circuit controlling it up and down movement gone haywire and it is going up and down in an erratic fashion.

That is a the feeling I get the moment I put a spacesuit on for travel.

That is one thing you must consider when paying for, an enormous amount for a single trip in space.

Is is worth the experience and the money?

Probably not but having said that I have tremendously high regard for those guys who trained for years end on to go to space. They are a dedicated lot and give them the due respect they deserve if you happen to meet anyone of them.

They were the human guinea pigs on space.

I often wonder how many times they felt sick and vertiginous even in their sleep.

Probably many, many times and uncountable and that is the feeling I get if I am invited to wear a spacesuit and come hither for a go.

I will list the feeling inside my head with little imagination and some understanding of my own physiology if not of another being.

1. I hate the space constraint.

This is the feeling one gets if one has to stay in a tiny hotel room in Singapore overnight due to some delay, cancellation or transit. I have had that feeling once or twice before, traveling by cheap air flights. When you fly on a good aircraft you may not get this inconvenience but surely on a budget air or Mihin (Hemin) Lanka

2. I hate heights.

Imagine you are in a hotel overnight on the 21st floor room due to flight cancellation. You are well away from a fire exit and there is a blackout and fire drill. You don't have a pen torch. If you are one floor above you can think of jumping out and breaking your legs but not on the 21st Floor. That is why rooms are cheap as you go up. Please pay a good some and ask for a room down below. It is better even now if you go to Colombo taking a pen torch with you with these high rising development projects.

Born to this earth with feet firmly grounded and ample space to breath pristine air (not now even in Kandy) as an embodiment, getting into a spacesuit is the luxury I do not want to avail myself not even in my incarnation.

3. Now about the daily routines I enjoy.

Sleep to begin with.

I think I can manage sleep upside down on space inside a spacesuit since there is nothing else I can do there except dreaming coming home. I can do this since I have learned how to sleep standing on an express bus plying from Kandy to Colombo on a Monday morning. I believe all Sri-Lankans are good at this.

Only if you do not have money in your back pocket.

There are plenty of pickpockets in this country including politicians who pick our vote without our knowledge. They are called pickvotters or even better pickpotters (stuffing the ballot boxes).

These two are new words, I have coined for the Oxford Dictionary with the local elections due now).

4. What about food.

I want enjoy the high calorie, high protein dehydrated food fads of space travelers especially they are floating about around you not as sandwiches and not placed on a plate with a well laid out nice table.

My worry is not the quality of food but how I to partake them in a more sociable way.

Not empty them to my mouth from one paper carton to another.

5. Coming to spirits (if they are allowed like a commercial flight) and drinks.

When I suck (not drink them) a little, I want them to stay a while in the mouth and oesophagus and stomach and not go flushing down like a vacuum cleaner on full throttle to the colon in one go.

6. After meal I want to brush my teeth as my good dental friends tell me with a tooth brush floating in air and the toothpaste all over the face with me trying to reach as far as it goes to the third molar.

7. That also I can manage but how about a quick spend a penny in the loo with my prostrate pushing hard on the correct track inside but the squirt getting between my spacesuit and the underwear.

That is my major worry since I will never master my physiology how ever much I train on earth and mid air.

8. Then the master job of course I have decided one last one here and never in the shuttle till I come home and take some constipating medicare once a week for six weeks before the scheduled departure.

I do not want my smelly secrets floating in air and taking pictures of me in flight.

No thank you.

9. Last but not least I fear the algae and the fungi I have been accustomed on earth and living with me with mutual understanding all along my life for years taking advantage of the flight and growing all over me.

In nails, wind pipe, mouth and all orifices on my privacies.

10. Last of all I love scratching my skin, just for fun and any other accessible point from my crown to the rump.

With these fungi floating around and waiting for a breach, I won't be able enjoy that luxury.

11. As for the rubbish I collect on flight no problem.

We are trained to drop at any advantage point in the town and the Municipalities never clean them up. I just open the window and drop it down when we are centering round Sri-Lanka with a note stating "coming from space shuttle in orbit no valuables dropped but destined for Sri-Lankans, war heroes included".

This is why when President Obama invited me for a flight in space, I refused and gave over 100 volunteers from our parliament elected and wanting to get elected.

He of course refused nay to all parliamentarians after the Health Bill was Bailed out with a American Donald Duckbill.