Rough Guide to the Tree Equivalent of Man and their Re-plantation

This is not referring to the commercial scale of replacement since the rate at commercial scale exploitation cannot be estimated to any accuracy.

This is based on the use of tree, timber and its products by man during his productive life. If we were to sustain each man or women has to grow at least 10 trees and maintain them till their mature life. This he has to done in 4-5 year cycles and older you (above 35 years) are the cycle has to be at least 1-2 years.

Ideally each man or woman plants a tree on their birthday!

1. The use as timber products for roofing and housing
2. To replace the use of paper products
3. Use of fire wood (this has to be in relation to the use)
4. The use of furniture
5. Wastage in every production line
6. The trees not sustaining themselves due to bad planting or weather conditions
7. The last 4 are for unaccountable felling and vandalism encountered and may have to vary according to the country.

This amount is to keep the balance of nature. If one has a house with 4 adults in it this estimate makes it 40 trees around their neighbourhood and the way the houses are built in a city next to each other there is is no room for to grow enough trees. Not even a single tree or hedge to act as windbreaks and shade. (please look at how rich Americans build their houses and walkabouts). That means every major city has to have a buffer zone (this is how the ancient people built cities) of tree cover equivalent the population that is incarcerated in the name of development.

Colombo city can never regain its splendor what ever we do now for it.

The Kandy city has almost 3 three times population density of Palestine Refugee Camps and we are going to be no different to Israel in another 10 or 20 years. We are losing it faster than it's regeneration.

Regarding the commercial exploitation the re-plantation has to be according to the tree's cycle. If the tree grows to maturity in 4 years for every tree harvested 4 should be planted and only a few trees fall into this category.
For some trees, if it is lost it is lost for ever.
They take may be 400 to 500 years for it to grow to maturity and often not reproducing fast enough due to their longevity and this simple equation cannot be applied in recreating it natural habitat.

This is only a rough estimate and we have lost about 60% of our forest cover in 50 years of unsustainable use.

I do not think these people with mega-development ideas have understood the problem or have insight into the matters of concern we are facing now.

The have no futuristic goals but presence of mind for exploitation.

Very soon we will be like Dubai, the work we have to do now is enormous if we are to arrest these trends.

Growing Grass Under My Feet

It is high time that we calculate the CO2 foot imprint of every living human on this planet before it is too late.

It is one of the most important mathematical exercise that we can undertake now.

It may be easy to do that on an animal say a cow but it may be an extremely difficult preposition for even a forest dweller of today.

Since he carries his cell phone and at least box of matchers or a lighter to the deep jungle, his carbon footprint cannot be even remotely compared to a pre-historic man.

Where ever he set foot even the deep sea he leaves behind lot of CO2 footprints.

What we can do is to calculate it for an average American and then compare with a Chinese, Indian and hypothetical man who lives for 60 years.

On the alternative we can calculate for a bull or cow and extrapolate that to sedentary American man.

American Man eats 3 to 4 cows by the time he is 45 and probably 5 by the time he says good bye having consumed every possible advantage and resources available on this planet earth.

Then we calculate for a hypothetical bionic man who needs energy for all his activities including his air travel from say New York to Delhi and all over the globe in one year to schedule a typical American company owner.

Then we have to figure out how many American live hand to mouth existence with minimum of car ownership.

The equations will go like this

1. 5 bulls X A (poor American)

2. USA X USA (Wealthy American) +5 bulls X A (poor American)

3. Now (1 and 2) each has to be divided by ( American census-minus rich Americans)

4. or ( American census-minus poor Americans)

5. The results 3 and 4 should be multiplied to get a total figure

6. This figure should be now divided by the total current human population

My estimate even without going into nitty gritty of the equation is like this.

1. An average American (poor) will have a figure of 1000

2. A rich American will be 1000 x1000

3. Average Chinese is 100

4. Rich Chines will 100 x 100

5. Indian will be 10

6. Rich Indian 1000 x10000 (more that a rich to Americans)

   The total CO2 foot print of China comes first.

   America comes second.

   And India comes 3^rd even though the population come only second to China since after many years of open policies some Indian still live and breath air and do not produce much CO2 since their meals are going down including onions.

   This is what India call it 21st century progress and send rocket to the space and moon and still find a way to fail in Cricket World Cup including completing venues.

   While China is barely able to feed its masses India has failed to make a square meal for the poor whereas a poor American eats 100 times equivalent to a poor Indian.

   I want American Scientist to disprove my equation and discovery and publish a relevant article in the prestigious magazine, American Scientist.

   While all this happening I grow grass under my feet to cushion the CO2 foot prints of mine with my urine added to make it's growth luxurious unlike our banana growers.

Sea Front and the Land Lost

This a comment i wrote with two comments copied for posterity below>
Dubai, the state of The World is in dispute

This is a good one in spite of the Arab (rich) bashing.

Americans never leave a car behind but the ex-wife in a foreign land when going after a new flame (bird).

Coming back to Sri-Lanka this is the only country in the world lets the sea gobbles the land with massive development projects. It lets the sea in for nearly 10 days to fill the land and our media were there to witness it minute by minute but never said a word against or "it was a stupid idea".
I call them the Prudent Presidential Pundits (P.P.P. Adviser for short).

In Singapore and Maldives the try to do an utmost to prevent erosion and advance the land front.

We do not have similar blue print to protect in spite of a major tsunami in 2005.

We do not know how to release flood water to sea in an emergency.

Recent Batticoloa flood was an eye opener and the devastation (vegetation and structural) worse than tsunami, I believe.

I have my hat's off for the Arabs at least for the project idea but not its implementation.

Sri-Lankans looks to the ships when we run short of Onions and Coconuts.

It is 6 years after the tsunami we have not planted enough trees (including coconuts).

My only advice for the Arab friends is do not take any Sr-Lankan on any board of directors in these projects even if they promise you that they will intervene with the gods and bring results!

Two comments copied are relevant to this Island too.
1. Lets see now how the rich change there mind about climate change.
2. I think they should rename the islands to "Atlantis"..

Bamboo and Windbreaks

This fastest growing plant rather a grass is one of the most vandalized plant in this country. Since it is growing fast we take for granted to destroy at every opportunity available and never care to plant any.
I have never seen a nursery for bamboo even though there are hundreds of varieties.

These plants are not seen in the temperate countries and in early as 18th century Americans took them from Asia and started growing them as ornamental plants.

While they do research on these plants we vandalize them.

Why?

We have plenty of them and we do not care for the mother nature.

If I write one plant a day and continue I may have to continue for years how we destroy our wealth of plants.

The plants going extinct were never recorded in our history and we have not even begun to take an inventory as a proactive exercise.

This is not to elaborate on that issue but to state how bamboo tree protects our river beds and roads that run along the rivers.

The do protect the embankments but what our guys do is to chop them at will since they are not protected by the local authorities.

River basin and embankment is nobody's business in this country.

It also act as a windbreaks.

It cools the air on a warm day with with gentle air currents.

Not only that it reduces our CO2 foot prints.

None of these are taken into accounts since our guys who gets to the parliament have never studied any including social science and not at all pure science.

They use environment issues to form green parties but never practice what they preach once they get there.

If we want to do as little as possible for our mother nature grow a few bamboos around river path and the surrounds.

Like eating a banana a day (not poisoned by UREA) is healthy for our life growing a bamboo a day would protect our rivers, roads and environment (air) too.

That is my message for today.

Raindrops and Coconut Palm

I asked some of my students to list 10 important points about coconut tree as a creative thinking exercise and I couldn't get anyone of them to think it as related to mother nature.

Then I told them we are the only animal species on planet earth who behave like aliens.

The coconut tree purifies the water and present us a drink superior to saline that we inject as a life support in an emergency. In the second world war it was used as saline substitute when things were in short supply. How they did I do not know but it is a heresay!

It gives us water to drink.

It cleans the carbon foot print of ours by taking in CO2 and releasing O2.

The two most important things the animal life needs for its survival but yet we forget to mentioned them but obsessed with coconut milk and coconut oil.

Why?

We tend to think we are the only important living animal on this planet.

We are the only selfish animals on this planet.

That is true and will remain true for the current century unless we open ourselves to creative thinking and awareness of our mother nature.

We build houses.

We build roofs to protect us from rain and sun.

If we take the plant kingdom.

The story is different.

It lives by the day under sunlight but rest by night but never sleeps.

It takes rain as survival god never complains if there is snow or frost

They are in constant touch with air currents and the wind

They are in harmony with all physical elements.

Remain and stay put for another day come sun or rain what it may.

When rain drops fall on the roof and runs through the gutters if makes a constant and a big racket and and I even find it difficult to sleep at night.

But when rain drops falls on tree tops and leaves there is no rackety pitch.

We only hear the wind blowing but raindrops hardly make a noise. They gently touch the leaf surface and trickle down gently to the soil. No big gush and the roots soaks in as much so that the water that seeps out is clear.

But on a rainy day in a city we see all rubbish and mud that comes out of the gutters and frequently see minor floods all over the place till the rain ceases.

There are no tress with roots to soak the extra water.

Coming back to coconut tree it leaves take the water in a peculiar way not sen in other smaller leaves. The peculiar way it handles water make it and excellent covering for roofs and thatched coconut leaves that used to cover the village huts did not make a big racket on a rainy day but the asbestos sheets that cover us now are totally different and alien to mother nature.

Mind you the coconut tree takes all the shocks of thunder and lightening too.

If not many of us would be dead by lightening.

The golden rule was not to rest under a tall tree in a thunder storm.

None of these came out of my students creative thinking exercise.

What the hell the education system is doing to them in schools and university?

I do not know.

It is said that even in America in the first two years in the university they do not gain any extra incites or creativity.

Why?

Education is now a money spinner.

No more creativity left in it now.

Make money when going is good but leave the students without opportunities.

Coconut Tales of Tail Spin and the Windshield of Whirlwind

Coconut tree which lives over 50 years of productive life sometimes more than 80 years if left untarnished by human activity lives behind a tell tale story of the weather beaten life. If one looks at a human face at 80 (eighty) it leaves behind a sad tale of wrinkles but never leave behind the tale of destruction he or she has caused over his or her life time. On the contrary, the coconut tree tells us all the rough times it has had over the years, if we look at the way the trunk had twisted and turned against the air current around it.
In fact it can tell the exact time of the last grand cyclone it had managed to withstand on its own.

Unlike the human they are a barometer of wind currents of today and tomorrow.

If one looks at its leaves, the gentle rustle they create with the wind and how it raises a rhyming tune with some alarming whirring of a whirlwind, foretelling a thunderstorm that is about to land is something we have taken for granted but never given thought in any scientific manner.

We take it for granted that the water is abundant but at the same time pollute it in every possible way from Adams peak to the sea.

The same story is true for the coconut tree.

It is vandalized to the stem and we cry hard only when the coconuts go high in price but never cared to listen to its story and the windshield it creates on a daily basis.

My observation days back to my childhood inquiry not necessarily based on any scientific themes. If I wanted to fly a kite I look at the coconut trees and their leaves and then bring out the kite if I consider the conditions are favorable.

Then I get to a place where I can get the kite over the coconut trees quickly and off I go with the wind.

I never paused to think what a service it does as a wind breaker.

This little piece is to finally put to rest and peace of my mind with the wind physics (theory) of biological nature and facts which I call the biophysics of coconut saga.

I should have done this decades ago!

Not only the coconut tree stands to the wind upright but it divide the wind to upstream high and a downstream gentle for us to live in peace. This we forget when we chop it for fast growing development and consumption as timber.

It is the scene of coconut trees that touches my heart when the plane lands on Katunayake. It was strikingly beautiful 30 years ago but now we see s few coconut trees near the airport and the sudden thud of landing.

The landing is also not as smooth as it used to be.

I even go to the extend of saying that the planes used to land smoothly due to the coconut plantation driving the unnecessary tailspin and head wind currents well above the plane as it touches down making it easy for the pilots.

I wish our veteran pilots do some study on this keeping in mind those who were on service during the second world war II might know it better than the present day autopilot youngsters.

Coconut tree is a wind breaker and a windshielder.

Of course it will provide its trunks to climb when the next tsunami comes if we start growing thousands and thousand of them around our beeches instead of polluting hotels that divert the sewerage to the sea.

This is my wishful thinking but I am sure more trees will be down to move the fast development trends of our political mights.

Good Bye my friend windshield and welcome thy whirlwind!

LibreOffice is Out- Enjoy the Freedom

This is an Update of LibreOffice

Straight from Softpedia

As we speak, OpenOffice.org is being replaced by the new LibreOffice suite in many Linux distributions, including KNOPPIX, Pardus and Ubuntu.

LibreOffice 3.3.0 comes with lots of original and new features, such as:

· ability to work with and import SVG files;
· import filter for Lotus Word Pro documents;
· import filter for Microsoft Works documents;
· easily format title pages and numbering in LibreOffice Writer;
· enhanced Navigator Tool in LibreOffice Writer;
· better ergonomics for cell and sheet management in LibreOffice Calc;
· PDF import support;
· slide-show presenter console;
· better report builder;
· comes bundled with lots of great extensions.

We are excited: this is our very first stable release, and therefore we are eager to get user feedback, which will be integrated as soon as possible into the code, with the first enhancements being released in February. Starting from March, we will be moving to a real time-based, predictable, transparent and public release schedule, in accordance with Engineering Steering Committee's goals and users' requests." - said Caolán McNamara from RedHat

Tail Spins and Tail Wagging

The tail wagging period is over.
Now it is the time of tail spinning.
It is like that of a gecko ready to pounce on a meal.
What if the tail spins with the tail wind of an aircraft in full flight.
Nothing much one can do except till the first flight officer says now you can loosen your seat belt and the turbulence is over and we are free flying again in high altitude with clear visibility.
The market forces are so powerful and food prices are going up by the minute and the poor voter who wagged his tail expecting miracles are left with their head and tail spinning on opposite direction.
His visibility is not clear as seen by our local reports of price of food items
The flight attendant of course can readily dispense face towels to clean the sweat of fright in mid air but there is nobody to calm the political gloom in the air.

Tail Spin

What if the tail spins by a tail wind of an aircraft?
Chop the tail like a gecko and exit fast!

Yes Man's Luck and the Pedigree Dog's Exit

You might not realize that the pelican's misadventure with our yes man has resulted in some interesting chain of events.

He tuned up immediately at the heaven's doorstep with a certificate not signed and left blank by our pelican.

It was soon checked to see whether it was authentic and was found to be a true copy given by our pelican.

He had to stay till pelican returned from earth from his routine rounds for further verification.

In the meantime the Maha's Assistant let him sort out the mail and the documents for the next round of delivery.

His demeanor was very appealing to him and asked the yes man whether he could be an assistant to him for three or four days till pelican returns.

True to his nature he said yes, yes.

Eventually pelican returned and when he was asked whether he knew about the yes man.

Or Yes he is my yes man and when I asked him whether he is ready to die without any hesitation he said yes and that was why he had to abruptly stop his training in mid air.

Given some training he could fly any plane anywhere with at least three more pilots provided that he does not manipulate the flying gear but coordinate his actions with the air hostesses at the rear at meal times was his reply,

With this recommendation Maha's Assistant was very impressed.

When Maha gave a call from vacation to ask how the things are at heaven, assistant told him the story of the yes man and asked whether he could take some leave and appoint the yes man in his absence.

Maha asked why not leave altogether and return to earth and learn some tricks from Paraya dogs so that you can follow suit just like the clever Paraya dog who attained Nibbana with no entry request.

Besides. you have been very helpful to me and this is the longest vacation I have had in all my life and you have found a suitable candidate to take your reins, I have no more questions from you and said Good Bye and Good Luck till we see again from earth may be in about 15 years time.

Our pedigree dog turned Maha's Assistant soon afterward call our yes man and asked him whether he is ready to take over.

He promptly said yes.

Just before he left he told him, you are Maha's Assistant and nothing more.

I knew it from the very beginning Sir he said.

How come?

You never took responsibility and let others take responsibility of your actions and that is the type of job I was looking forward and comfortable.

I could never take responsibility on earth and neither in heaven too, he said.

You are too good to be here and this arrangement is mutual and when you do come back here I will say yes to anything you ask including the job back.

No dear, I now have a better strategy than that but I have to learn the finer points from a Paraya dog.

The last Paraya dog whom I met was so clever before I could ask any help he was gone with the wind.

I have to meet some of his relatives in Sri-Lanka and will be back soon in about 15 years.

Till then Good Bye.

As he went he heard somebody saying Yes Sir!

Pelican Story

He was an ex-income tax officer who was seen as good choice for help for Mahana Brahma's Assistant not only as a Flying Officer but also as a delivery man. 
Pelicans are known to deliver babies to mums at least when the second one arrives unexpectedly and the first one born asks the silly question from where the hell the second one came.

The pelican come into operational requirement of mothers often in the West but not so much here in Sri-Lanka.

In this context as a delivery man he does not have to deliver babies but all what he has to do is to drop baskets full of documents to sea often containing false declarations made by expectant candidates for their next round of birth and to get favours from Maha Brahma's Assistant.

When he thinks something is cooked up especially coming from Sri-Lanka, the assistant delvers them to the pelican to be dropped to sea so that the ink and all the forgeries are wiped out by the ocean currents ( the ocean can take any rubbish come what it may).

On his return pelican has to pick few of them back to heaven and the assistant checks to see if any merits are left tangled with the soggy paper and if not delivers them straight to Appaya (AI) International with a tag number for prompt action.

At AI the soggy paper is irradiated with UV light and then a special black ink is sprayed and that is when all the Papa Karmas are exposed for my equation to take cognizant and automatic reprisal by Apaya authorities.

Unlike in the heaven my equation has to be modified when new crimes like that are committed by American investors and speculators are discovered.

Very severe scrutiny is done unlike the Federal Regulators of USA.

The pelican is the go between the Apaya and the Heaven.

In some cases when the documents are landed on high ground or floating ice there is a chance some might escape the sea currents and get a respite but if they are discovered on a subsequent birth it is not the pelican who is punished but the holder of the certificate.

Pelican has no jurisdiction in matters of merits and demerits but only a go between and a mechanism of delaying merits or demerits so that backlog is prevented at the any entry point be that it may be Apaya or Heaven.

Pelican navigation skill are considered to be complimentary to the operational mechanics.

How he became a trainer Flying Officers was purely an accident by meeting our crab and the tortoise at the lake side.

He was offered foreign currency initially by the Air Marshal but when he decided to pay that in Sri-Lankann equivalent of Rupees he really got annoyed since neither Apaya nor Heaven recognize Sri-Lankan Rupees.

That is why he deserted the Flying Operations in mid air.

I have suggested to remedy this situation soon with a plastic card that automatically converts itself of the credit balance to the currency type moment the airspace of the country is entered but there are few navigational glitches / hitches when the pelican decides to stay in border zones like Palk Straight and the likes.

It is currently worn around the pelican neck and it has dual responsibility of location guide and a currency conversion. Once it is tested to Apaya satisfaction it will be used by our pelican and he may decide to return to his substantive post on Earth but that is all at his discretion.

How come the pelican becoming a Flying Trainer?

The pelican was his annual pilgrimage to Ceylon to avoid harsh winter and got trapped in the Batticoloa floods and was waiting to devour some unfortunate sea fish that have come ashore. When he was about to partake the first mouthful of fish in came the Tortoised Chief Minister (TCM) from nowhere and warned him not to do so.

He was puzzled.

I have been eating fish all my life how dare you intervene in my cuisine.

Brother do not be annoyed.

Be calm.

I will tell you the reason.

They are poisoned by accident and not by purpose or design.

We got a consignment of food for flood victims from UNO and in the transport of it on a vehicle with fertilizer by some strange coincidence the bags' label changed from UNO to USA and a certain politician in Colombo decided that they were no good for human consumption and not even for animals.

Then the local politician requested that they were to be dumped into sea.

The transport man designed a coup.

The food items were quickly changed hands with a label UREA and UREA was changed to USA by substituting S for EA. Then only a few UREA bags that contained deadly cadmium were dumped with political acumen to the sea in front of starving residents and they were asked to go fishing in troubled waters!

So you may now go fishing in troubled waters!

The pelican was visibly annoyed.

I traveled over 8000 miles to land hear on my holidays and you guys spoil it for me.

Don't you people advertise come here and tither?

Sorry for the misadventure it would have been a different story if the weather gods did not intervene.

The TCM said in a quiet voice.

You may go down further and find another island he suggested.

There are no islands till Antarctica and I haven't got the strength to fly that far.

Then he asked are you good in navigation.

Yes of course and if I may ask you why you raised that question?

Even though I am here I still have some connection with the Air Force Top Brass and I can fix you a job with them till spring with full on board service.

He was not happy but picked the crab instead and took to flight and landed on a tree top.

He tried hard to pierce the shell bone but could not and in with anger dumped the fellow down but it landed with a thud and turned upside up downside down and side tracked safely to water.

This he has never seen before and went back to the now friendly TCM and asked how come the shell of a Sir-Lankan crab is so hard?

Elementary my dear!

He was in charge of my armed car when in service.

He was also in charge of making service to my vehicle with three quotation which is the usual practice.

He was given the bullet proof metal sample for verification.

He without my knowledge changed the specification to inferior quality metal and hid the real metal sample under his helmet and pocketed out the contract extras.

Then in the final blast of which we all died in an unfortunate accident the metal got stuck to his skin.

He is a hard nut in any case and difficult even for me to pierce his intentions!

In that case I say yes to your offer with some reservation.

That was how the pelican was made a the flying trainer for healthy remuneration.

You have to wait why he quit and deserted the post for my next edition on web.

Keep counting the SiRs please.

Good bye!

Please note even though these stories are quite akin to Buddhist stories and anthology, they are not designed for Dhamma sermons and any recitals without my implied consent will be strictly prohibited.

PS.

The chief minister who took over from the TCM was mildly hurt when in a routine test a bullet pierced the serviced part of the vehicle and went inside. It was an indirect hit; that is why the injuries were minimal.

He quickly dumped the vehicle to junk and bought a new one from the fresh quota allocated to him. He did not forget to send a telegram to the ex-officer thanking him for his service acumen.

I had to deliver it through my special courier service in conjunction with Apaya International.

Flying Officer Grounded

You may think that the war efforts are accomplished that most of the flying officers are grounded and not flying any more.

Nothing of that kind but a flight record of a blackbox conversation of the final 5 to 7 minutes of ill fated flight of SL (UL-Usually Late) named P.P.P.

Thank god it is not a civil flight but a training flight with only two involved one surviving and the other succumbing to injuries ending at Mahabrahma for another round of life cycle.

I have to put the middle of the story first (but the beginning will related briefly in the flight record.) to make brief and interesting and I may have to go for another record for how Mahabrama (his assistant-that part would be interesting) dealt with the emerging crisis.

Flying is a pastime for some (politicians on our money and government coffers) and fantasy for many Sir-Lankans. Many Sir-Lankan young blood want to become a flying officer but never get a chance to get there. I remember I wanted to become a volunteer officer many moons ago but even though I had all the qualifications and the paper work my application never got to the scrutiny table when Public Service in operation.

It is a different story now that the Chief Minister decides the fate of everybody.

In this story chief Minister also has a fair share of involvement.

Sit tight and listen to the flight recorded data.

The conversation is between a pelican and the flying officer in training.

You may wonder what the hell the pelican doing in the cockpit. He was not trapped in air but he was the trainer in white suit with beautiful avian stripes to adorn.

Yes he was the trainer.
Then who was the trainee?

The trainee was a typical Sir-Lankan man who went up the ladder by being a yes man all his life without any decoration or qualification to boast about

He was somewhat similar to Bun Ki Moon who is a yes man for the big nations and red bully for small nations.

I hope you got the picture.

If he say yes to big shots he will be sure of another term in UNO.

Our man of course did not have applied mathematics but a forged certificate to say he passed the “O” Level in mathematics.

The conversation went like this.

Hello Sir!
You are my trainer?
Yes is there any problem?
No Sir have I got to Sir you.
It depends!

If you end up passing with flying colours yes but not otherwise.

He was bit confused but continued to say SiR to which the pelican with good senses did not object.

He was wanting to count how many times he Sirs him during the first flight.

Sir, you have a big beak but no hands.

So Sir, how are you going to help me with the joystick?

I have good eyes and a small brain and that were enough to navigate from Europe to Sir-Lanka to escape from harsh winter believe me I can navigate you if you listen to me carefully instead of saying Sir.

He firmly ascertained his navigation skills.

Now nose up, flaps up and raise off the ground.

Yes Sir.

Now they were in flight in the first few seconds and the flying officer was inquisitive and want to find the loop holes in his flight instructors credibility to get some bonus in the first flight itself.

Sir how you come to become a trainer in Ceylon.

It is easy any foreign joker or a bird can get a job in Sri-Lanka even in supermarkets without knowing food habits of locals. You just put a label for export and that works.

I had a export label tagged from my childhood he said.

Sir who appointed you and turned his head around and the plane two seater veered to the left?
Look what are doing get the nose straight.

OK Sir!

It is your chief minister who appointed me and it is a long story.

But Sir, I would like to hear more, thinking one day he might become a trainer himself by getting in good books with the Chief Minister and twisting his arms.

But your ex-chief Minister is a tortoise now.

How come Sir, I thought he went to heaven by the celebration we had after his death.

He never got a chance. The way he abused official vehicles and the way he drove with the entourage annoyed the Maha and he decided to pace him down to earth and made him a tortoise.

Sir my goodness will the Maha makes me also a tortoise in my next birth Sir!

In the first place you have to die!
Are you ready for that.

Yes Sir!

This answer pleased the pelican very much since he knew he did not have to train this guy for long.

Where did you meet this Tortoised Chief Minister, SiR?

Near a lake flooded in Batticoloa with a water crab with him.

The water crab was his escort Police Officer. on entourage who could always bend the law of the country for his master's favour in real life in Sir-Lanka.

But he could not prevent the premature death of the entourage who met with a fatal accident.

SiR why he was made a crab

Two reasons.
It is a delicacy in Sir-Lanka.
This officer could never walk straight with the law he always side stepped and went horizontally instead of straight.

By birth right he had to be a crab in next life.

SiR will I become a crab in next life.
This was too distracting for the pelican that the plane was in full speed now.

He said autopilot now!

My friend in excitement put the nose down.
He was only educated in Sinhala and could not read the English word autopilot and he pressed the button right under his nose without reading it in the first place.

Pelican was very happy now that his flying lesson would end abruptly.

Pelican opened the cockpit door and before making a nose dive himself said, your first and the last flying lesson are over.

Good bye and slammed the door closed.

To which our yes man said.
Yes Sir!

The rest is history and the blackbox is the only evidence we have now.

Incidentally this plane was taxied from Hambantota and landed nose down in the newly build port at Hambantota.

The blackbox was traced within minutes since the water level of the harbour is deep enough to see even a blackbox from above and our pelican friend hovered around it as if he was looking for a dead body of fish that helped the Navy very much.

Unfortunately the body of the victim was never found and the air force is still looking for the deserted officer in flight training and the flight trainer.

Our flying officer trainer, the pelican disappeared from his post.

I will tell you the rest of the story if you could count correctly the number of times this unfortunately grounded officer said Sirs in his first flight lesson instead of concentrating on flying and why the pelican deserted his post!
Flight P.P.P stands for Paksheta Pashsha Pora and I hear even the Pakshaya is having a nose dive now!

Please note even though these stories are quite akin to Buddhist stories and anthology, they are not designed for Dhamma sermons and any recitals without my implied consent will be strictly prohibited.