Granny Award

Granny Award

I intend to award a “Granny Award” in my mother’s name, to any person who come with an English Drama based on the stages mentioned below.

The contents are Open Source and are generally under the Linux GPL Convention.

1. Originator Unknown Ceylonese Author in his late Nineties (I claim he is not my late father)

2. Recent Rendering by a Bookshop Assistant in Kandy who wishes to be anonymous.

3. This edition is by me (Mini-Me Version) and BABA (one of my dear friends who is no more with us), SAMBA, BIMBA, ZIMBA, SINHA BAR (Lion BAR), ALI (Kandy elephants, the two legged variety) and any HORA-BABA (fatherless baby) or any unborn Ceylonese Baba (baby) can participate in future developments of this humane animal story (copy-left).

Currently the Pothe-Guru (story Teller) is me, the current author.

The Big Daddy Version (the language of communication could be from simple to vulgar depending on the alcohol content) is only for private consumption of my friends especially after a suitable beverage except the Ceylon Dust Tea (not Tiger Wood’s recent TEE) which I use as manure for ornamental plants.

Evam Mesuthan Ekam Samayam!

So, said and so heard.

1. I was a privy to Relay Carnival (passing the bucks relay, really fast, like the Hedging Deal and now the Bond Scams) in the Animal (they are more humane and eat only when hungry) Kingdom.

I was the only Ceylonese selected by an island wide Lottery conducted by the Hela Urumaya (or Hela Karumaya) Surakumu Foundation (HUKU-SUMU for short).

2. I was on holiday in a Forest Reservation (Jungle Habitat).

3. I observe an elderly (prostate enlarged) Peter Rabbit grazing.

4. Jack the Jackal (with financial interests in Ceylon) greedily waiting for an innocent prey.

5. Scene of the Jackal (both hip joints and knee joints are replaced-by bionic prosthesis delivered by a Ceylonese Tele Shop Giant on a Plate made of unclaimed Credit Cards-because of his Royal Ancestry) chasing the Rabbit.

6. Blind forest (Hermen) hermit descends from heaven and lands on a busy Junction (Thun-Man Chinthana Handiya) for free Dhana.

7. Rabbit approaching the hermit with break neck speed without a Crash Helmet.

8. Rabbit jumps over hermit visibly shaken up and annoyed.

9. Lands a squirt of Holy (Medical) Water (Urine for short) right on the nose and mouth.

10. Hermit really thinks the water is holy and ascends to a higher Jhana.

11. Jackal approaches the hermit with a bionic speed and put on breaks instantaneously.

12. Jackal licks the nose and face of the hermit.

13. Hermit rudely awakened from his Transient Trance (Transient Ischaemic Attack-TIA).

14. Jackal reprimands the hermit with a nasty comment;

Why don’t you stay a few feet above the ground?

15. Well, I was thinking about my Bank Balance of Merit (PIN-Numbers) in Seylan Bank and settled where I ought to be, was his reply.

16. Well then, did you see a rabbit running this way?

17. Yes, Yes I heard some animal running but I cannot say what species he was but I can very well tell you that he was a male.

18. You say you are a hermit and blind.

How can one see the SEX of an animal running fast in a Meditative Mode?

19. Didn’t the Master tells you, it is an illegal task to think about sex in Meditative Trance?

20. We animals think about sex, only when we are in full sexual flow and not otherwise, he proclaimed.

21. Can you tell me how the Blind Hermit instantaneously guessed the SEX of the fast moving passerby?

Help;

Nothing to do with his urine or prostate and it is due to some other reason.

Only a celonese would be able to guess the answer and it is a common saying when a policeman is chasing a politician who has committed a traffic offense.

Postscript:

Last Life-Purva-Bhava Connections

1. The hermit was a Traffic Warden (an active member of Hela Urumaya) who went to heaven instantaneously when hit by a Guy from the Presidential Escort.

2. The rabbit was a monk who went in search of emancipation in Ceylon Parliament and deposited his hard earned money in a private bank.

The Jackal was a Ceylonese Private Banker, better than an American swindler.

I was of course the CNN Reporter Assistant (only doing the editing) of iReportes, using a stolen mobile telephone.

Corollary

Only a male Jackal with large prostate can squirt a healthy vigorous stream while running, and a man cannot.

The rabbit in this story did it due to fear and the anger (monk standing on his getaway flight).

A female (liberal woman) will never be able to perform this act even when standing, the future female US President or probable female candidates included.

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