Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Story of Three Sri-Lankan Dogs
This is a story I heard from a pedigree dog (not my dog).
The dogs were having a conference at late night.
The subject matter was current political campaign at night.
Pasting of campaign posters and removing of the common candidate's posters were their theme and topic.
None of the dogs were involved in plastering or removing the posters.
Their duties were to give guard and protection to the stooges of their masters who were doing the dirty work at night.
They were very much disturbed.
1. One dog's master was a supporter of the ruling party.
2. The other dog's master was a supporter was the common candidate.
3. The third dog was the master dog of an election monitor.
4. The fourth dog belongs to the Election Commissioner.
The problem was with the dog of the ruling party (let me take away the master part since he is inebriated to the spinal cord and was never seen on the street but in the bar from morning to night).
Story of Three Sri-Lankan Dogs
This is a story I heard from a pedigree dog (not my dog).
The dogs were having a conference at late night.
The subject matter was current political campaign at night.
Pasting of campaign posters and removing of the common candidate's posters were their theme and topic.
None of the dogs were involved in plastering or removing the posters.
Their duties were to give guard and protection to the stooges of their masters who were doing the dirty work at night.
They were very much disturbed.
1. One dog's master was a supporter of the ruling party.
2. The other dog's master was a supporter was the common candidate.
3. The third dog was the master dog of an election monitor.
4. The fourth dog belongs to the Election Commissioner.
The problem was with the dog of the ruling party (let me take away the master part since he is inebriated to the spinal cord and was never seen on the street but in the bar from morning to night).
He had killed three dogs in a week while guarding the poster blasters.
One was a Muslim dog.
The other was a Catholic and the third was the Buddhist dog of New Pivithuru Hela Urumaya (pronounced Karumaya) killed by accident by his own master.
The discussion was related to what happened to them after death.
The consensus was that all of them were in heaven.
Unfortunately, in a matter of few days the three masters were also killed under mysterious circumstances.
Police are still investigating.
But according to the latest news all of them are at the gate of Apaya (hell) awaiting their sentences while their dogs are enjoying a welcome respite in heaven.
So now I will brief you with the final unofficial report of the dog conference.
1. The Muslim dog's merits that served him in heaven.
He used to go to the mosque with his master five times a day without failing.
His masters demerit that warranted him summons at Apaya Gate was as follows.
He was very very religious and went to the mosque sometime more than five times.
But he volunteered for the ISIS.
His quota was killing 100 infidels in 100 days.
He actually accomplished 99 but had only one to go.
His final task was to either kill himself or to kill another (making 101) with him and remain here for little while for a prayer.
But being religious he went to the mosque for a very long final prayer.
Unfortunately he was killed by a American Bomb.
2. The Catholic dog's merits that served him in heaven.
Just like the Muslim dog he too went to the Church every Sunday without any arrears.
What was his masters demerit that warranted him summons at Apaya Gate?
He missed and absconded few visits to the Church on Sundays to meet his extramarital flame.
3. The Buddhist dog's merits that served him in heaven.
He used to go with his master with a till (Pin Kate) to collect money for the tallest Buddha Statue in the world.
What was his masters demerit that warranted him summons at Apaya Gate?
He forget to put the last 7 to 10 zeros in his final treasurer's report.
Now the story does not end here.
It was a total mismatch, 3 dogs in heaven and 3 masters in hell.
The three gods already in heaven (previously Sri-Lankan Paraya dogs) finally made up their mind to rescue their masters.
Could you guess how they accomplished this task without the help of “American Drones”?
You have to wait till the Election results are declared.
The Election commissioner has given me a warning that even a small yarn or a little spin by a spin doctor that might effect the final result is a punishable offense in this world.
The caveat is that candidates can yarn any length of fibs and fabrications, till cows come home, like Lanka Cyber News.
Posted by Asoka at 2:26 PM No comments:
Can Dogs Go to Heaven?
Can Dogs Go to Heaven?
The answer to that question is very simple.
But there is a caveat.
If the dog is Hindu or Buddhist by descent there is no problem.
Most of them go to heaven (if the master is not a Sri--Lanka politicians with ministerial posts who deal with heroin, Kassipu or other major vices, they go to hell with them) by default, especially if it is a Paraya (stray) dog.
But if the dog is Catholic, it has to wait till the present pontiff re-defines humanely the plight of dogs according to the scriptures and interpretations made by predecessors.
But, I have a suggestion for the pontiff who visits us next year.
There is an easy solution without going into scriptures.
Please make all Catholic dogs of Sri-Lanka blessed and converted to Buddhist or Hindu at the time of their demise.
There is no harm they remain as Catholic, in their active life.
After all Catholics in Sri-Lanka need them for their security with B.B.B (until Bodu Bala Sena is proscribed) in action like a pack of rabid dogs.
What remains to be done for the dogs of Muslim descent of Sri-Lanka is a difficult preposition.
They cannot be converted to any other religion at the time of their demise.
It is sacrilegious!
I have a plausible strategy.
These dogs must be made a permanent member of one of the many branches (not Shia or Sunni sectors) of their political parties before their death.
Then at the time of the demise, there should be an affidavit to the effect that they switched allegiance to the ruling party.
By this subtle method blasphemy can be politically avoided and the religion can be safely bypassed (after all they are animals they need not have a religion).
After all, dead dogs are only valid to the ruling party for propaganda.
They are mortally scared of the living dogs, anyway.
That is why they unleash violence while preaching Avihinsa (non violence).
But if the dog belongs to an atheist, the owner should go to a psychologist and get his advice before writing his Will.
The question is why does an atheist needs a dog, if he or she is not fearing hell or heaven?
Perhaps, she / he may be fearing another atheist from another planet.
Or is he or she fearing all the religious guys and girls on this planet.
Sir, Bertram Russell had to flee from England to China in 1930s.
He feared England more than Hell and Heaven.
When he was in coma (down with double pneumonia) an obituary was published but he recovered to the displeasure of the saints.
He lived to 97 or 99 with no help from any religion.
That is amazing!
This is the debate they are having at present.
Can animals go to heaven?
Some people all over the world have been excited in recent days about reports by news agencies worldwide -- including one from CNN -- declaring that Pope Francis apparently believes they can.
It turns out it's unclear what he believes about this.
A previous pope, Paul VI, had no doubts. "One day we will again see our animals in the eternity of Christ," Paul once told a boy grieving the loss of his pet.
That quote, from the pontiff who reigned from 1963 until his death in 1978, was inaccurately attributed to Francis.
The confusion may have begun when Italian daily newspaper Corriere della Sera referred to Paul's quote in a story that carried the headline, "The pope and animals: 'Heaven is open to all creatures.'"
The story itself does not indicate Francis said that. Instead, it refers back to Paul VI.
The writer for the newspaper pointed to something Francis actually did say: "Sacred Scripture teaches us that the fulfillment of this marvelous plan cannot but involve everything that surrounds us and came from the heart and mind of God."
That remark, the writer suggested, "widened the hope of salvation" to animals and all of creation.
The headline on the article quoted Francis as saying, "Heaven is open to all creatures." But there's no sign Francis said that.
A search through the current Pope's writings and remarks showed no immediate sign that he has taken a clear position on the question.
Can Dogs Go to Heaven?
Can Dogs Go to Heaven?
The answer to that question is very simple.
But there is a caveat.
If the dog is Hindu or Buddhist by descent there is no problem.
Most of them go to heaven (if the master is not a Sri--Lanka politicians with ministerial posts who deal with heroin, Kassipu or other major vices, they go to hell with them) by default, especially if it is a Paraya (stray) dog.
But if the dog is Catholic, it has to wait till the present pontiff re-defines humanely the plight of dogs according to the scriptures and interpretations made by predecessors.
But, I have a suggestion for the pontiff who visits us next year.
There is an easy solution without going into scriptures.
Please make all Catholic dogs of Sri-Lanka blessed and converted to Buddhist or Hindu at the time of their demise.
There is no harm they remain as Catholic, in their active life.
After all Catholics in Sri-Lanka need them for their security with B.B.B (until Bodu Bala Sena is proscribed) in action like a pack of rabid dogs.
What remains to be done for the dogs of Muslim descent of Sri-Lanka is a difficult preposition.
They cannot be converted to any other religion at the time of their demise.
It is sacrilegious!
I have a plausible strategy.
These dogs must be made a permanent member of one of the many branches (not Shia or Sunni sectors) of their political parties before their death.
Then at the time of the demise, there should be an affidavit to the effect that they switched allegiance to the ruling party.
By this subtle method blasphemy can be politically avoided and the religion can be safely bypassed (after all they are animals they need not have a religion).
After all, dead dogs are only valid to the ruling party for propaganda.
They are mortally scared of the living dogs, anyway.
That is why they unleash violence while preaching Avihinsa (non violence).
But if the dog belongs to an atheist, the owner should go to a psychologist and get his advice before writing his Will.
The question is why does an atheist needs a dog, if he or she is not fearing hell or heaven?
Perhaps, she / he may be fearing another atheist from another planet.
Or is he or she fearing all the religious guys and girls on this planet.
Sir, Bertram Russell had to flee from England to China in 1930s.
He feared England more than Hell and Heaven.
When he was in coma (down with double pneumonia) an obituary was published but he recovered to the displeasure of the saints.
He lived to 97 or 99 with no help from any religion.
That is amazing!
This is the debate they are having at present.
Can animals go to heaven?
Some people all over the world have been excited in recent days about reports by news agencies worldwide -- including one from CNN -- declaring that Pope Francis apparently believes they can.
It turns out it's unclear what he believes about this.
A previous pope, Paul VI, had no doubts. "One day we will again see our animals in the eternity of Christ," Paul once told a boy grieving the loss of his pet.
That quote, from the pontiff who reigned from 1963 until his death in 1978, was inaccurately attributed to Francis.
The confusion may have begun when Italian daily newspaper Corriere della Sera referred to Paul's quote in a story that carried the headline, "The pope and animals: 'Heaven is open to all creatures.'"
The story itself does not indicate Francis said that. Instead, it refers back to Paul VI.
The writer for the newspaper pointed to something Francis actually did say: "Sacred Scripture teaches us that the fulfillment of this marvelous plan cannot but involve everything that surrounds us and came from the heart and mind of God."
That remark, the writer suggested, "widened the hope of salvation" to animals and all of creation.
The headline on the article quoted Francis as saying, "Heaven is open to all creatures." But there's no sign Francis said that.
A search through the current Pope's writings and remarks showed no immediate sign that he has taken a clear position on the question.
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