Pelican
and Tortoise Story
You
may think that the war efforts are accomplished that most of the
flying officers are grounded and not flying any more.
Nothing
of that kind but a flight record of a blackbox conversation of the
final 5 to 7 minutes of ill fated flight of SL (UL-Usually Late)
named P.P.P.
Thank
god it is not a civilian
flight but a training flight with only two involved one surviving and
the other succumbing to injuries ending at Mahabrahma for another
round of life cycle.
I
have to put the middle of the story first (but the beginning will
related briefly in the flight record) to make brief and interesting
and I may have to go for another record for how Maha Brama
(his assistant-that part would be interesting) dealt with the
emerging crisis.
Flying
is a pastime for some (politicians on our money and government
coffers) and fantasy for many Ceylonese.
Many
Ceylonese
young
blood wants
to become a flying officer but never get a chance to get there. I
remember I wanted to become a volunteer officer many moons ago but
even though I had all the qualifications and the paper work my
application never got to the scrutiny table when Public Service was
in
operation.
It
is a different story now that the Chief Minister decides the fate of
everybody.
In this story chief Minister also has a fair share of
involvement.
Sit
tight and listen to the flight recorded data.
The
conversation is between a pelican and the flying officer in training.
You
may wonder what the hell the pelican doing in the cockpit. He was not
trapped in air but he was the trainer in white suit with beautiful
avian stripes to adorn.
Yes
he was the trainer.
Then
who was the trainee?
The
trainee was a typical Ceylonese
man
who went up the ladder by being a yes man all his life without any
decoration or qualification to boast about.
He
was somewhat similar to Bun Ki Moon who was
a yes man for the big nations and red bully for small nations.
I
hope you got the picture.
If
he says
yes to big shots he will be sure of another term in UNO.
Our
man of course did not have applied mathematics but a forged
certificate to say he passed the “O” Level in mathematics.
The
conversation went like this.
Hello
Sir!
You
are my trainer?
Yes
is there any problem?
No
Sir have I got to Sir you.
It
depends!
If
you end up passing with flying colours yes but not otherwise.
He
was bit confused but continued to say SiR to which the pelican with
good senses did not object.
He
was wanting to count how many times he Sirs him during the first
flight.
Sir,
you have a big beak but no hands.
So
Sir, how are you going to help me with the joystick?
I
have good eyes and a small brain and that were enough to navigate
from Europe to Ceylon
to escape from harsh winter believe me I can navigate you if you
listen to me carefully instead of saying Sir.
He
firmly ascertained his navigation skills.
Now
nose up, flaps up and raise off the ground.
Yes
Sir.
Now
they were in flight in the first few seconds and the flying officer
was inquisitive and wanted
to find the loop holes in his flight instructors credibility to get
some bonus in the first flight itself.
Sir
how you come to become a trainer in Ceylon.
It
is easy any foreign joker or a bird can get a job in Ceylon
even
in supermarkets without knowing food habits of locals. You just put a
label for export and that works.
I
had a export label tagged from my childhood he said.
Sir
who appointed you and turned his head around and the plane two seater
veered to the left?
Look
what are doing get the nose straight.
OK
Sir!
It
is your chief minister who appointed me and it is a long story.
But
Sir, I would like to hear more, thinking one day he might become a
trainer himself by getting in good books with the Chief Minister and
twisting his arms.
But
your ex-chief Minister is a tortoise now.
How
come Sir, I thought he went to heaven by the celebration we had after
his death.
He
never got a chance.
The
way he abused official vehicles and the way he drove with the
entourage annoyed the Maha and he decided to pace him down to earth
and made him a tortoise.
Sir
my goodness will the Maha makes me also a tortoise in my next birth
Sir!
In
the first place you have to die!
Are
you ready for that.
Yes
Sir!
This
answer pleased the pelican very much since he knew he did not have to
train this guy for long.
Where
did you meet this Tortoise Chief Minister, SiR?
Near
a lake flooded in Batticoloa with a water crab beside
him.
The
water crab was his escort Police Officer. on entourage who could
always bend the law of the country for his master's favour in real
life in Ceylon..
But
he could not prevent the premature death of the entourage who met
with a fatal accident.
SiR
why he was made a crab
Two
reasons.
It
is a delicacy in Ceylon.
This
officer could never walk straight with the law he always side stepped
and went horizontally instead of straight.
By
birth right he had to be a crab in next life.
SiR
will I become a crab in next life.
This
was too distracting for the pelican that the plane was in full speed
now.
He
said autopilot now!
My
friend in excitement put the nose down.
He
was only educated in Sinhala and could not read the English word
autopilot and he pressed the button right under his nose without
reading it in the first place.
The
Pelican
was very happy now that his flying lesson would end abruptly.
The
Pelican
opened the cockpit door and before making a nose dive himself said,
your first and the last flying lesson is
over.
Good
bye and slammed the door closed.
To
which our yes man said.
Yes
Sir!
The
rest is history and the blackbox is the only evidence we have now.
Incidentally
this plane was taxied from Hambantota and landed nose down in the
newly build port at Hambantota.
The
blackbox was traced within minutes since the water level of the
harbour is deep enough to see even a blackbox from above and our
pelican friend hovered around it as if he was looking for a dead body
of fish that helped the Navy very much.
Unfortunately
the body of the victim was never found and the air force is still
looking for the deserted officer in flight training and the flight
trainer.
Our
flying officer trainer, the pelican disappeared from his post.
I
will tell you the rest of the story if you could count correctly the
number of times this unfortunately grounded officer said Sirs in his
first flight lesson instead of concentrating on flying and why the
pelican deserted his post!
Flight
P.P.P stands for Paksheta Pashsha Pora and I hear even the
Pakshaya is having a nose dive now!
Please
note even though these stories are quite akin to Buddhist stories and
anthology, they are not designed for Dhamma sermons and any recitals
without my implied consent will be strictly prohibited.
The
pelican was his annual pilgrimage to Ceylon to avoid harsh winter and
got trapped in the Batticoloa floods and was waiting to devour some
unfortunate sea fish that have come ashore.
When
he was about to partake the first mouthful of fish in came the
Tortoise Chief Minister (TCM) from nowhere and warned him not to do
so.
He
was puzzled.
I
have been eating fish all my life how dare you intervene in my
cuisine.
Brother
do not be annoyed.
Be
calm.
I
will tell you the reason.
They
are poisoned by accident and not by purpose or design.
We
got a consignment of food for flood victims from UNO and in the
transport of it on a vehicle with fertilizer by some strange
coincidence the bags' label changed from UNO to USA and a certain
politician in Colombo decided that they were no good for human
consumption and not even for animals.
Then
the local politician requested that they were to be dumped into sea.
The
transport man designed a coup.
The
food items were quickly changed hands with a label UREA and UREA was
changed to USA by substituting S for EA. Then only a few UREA bags
that contained deadly cadmium were dumped with political acumen to
the sea in front of starving residents and they were asked to go
fishing in troubled waters!
So
you may now go fishing in troubled waters!
The
pelican was visibly annoyed.
I
traveled over 8000 miles to land hear on my holidays and you guys
spoil it for me.
Don't
you people advertise come here and tither?
Sorry
for the misadventure it would have been a different story if the
weather gods did not intervene.
The
TCM said in a quiet voice.
You
may go down further and find another island he suggested.
There
are no islands till Antarctica and I haven't got the strength to fly
that far.
Then
he asked are you good in navigation.
Yes
of course and if I may ask you why you raised that question?
Even
though I am here I still have some connection with the Air Force Top
Brass and I can fix you a job with them till spring with full on
board service.
He
was not happy but picked the crab instead and took to flight and
landed on a tree top.
He
tried hard to pierce the shell bone but could not and in with anger
dumped the fellow down but it landed with a thud and turned upside up
downside down and side tracked safely to water.
This
he has never seen before and went back to the now friendly TCM and
asked how come the shell of a Ceylon
crab is so hard?
Elementary
my dear!
He
was in charge of my armed car when in service.
He
was also in charge of making service to my vehicle with three
quotations which is the usual practice.
He
was given the bullet proof metal sample for verification.
He
without my knowledge changed the specification to inferior quality
metal and hid the real metal sample under his helmet and pocketed out
the contract extras.
Then
in the final blast of which we all died in an unfortunate accident
the metal got stuck to his skin.
He is
a hard nut in any case and difficult even for me to pierce his
intentions!
In
that case I say yes to your offer with some reservation.
That
was how the pelican was made a the flying trainer for healthy
remuneration.
He
quited the service in mid
air and deserted the post
and ended as a Pelikan.
The
chief minister who took over from the TCM was mildly hurt when on a
routine test, a bullet pierced the serviced part of the vehicle and
went inside.
It
was an indirect hit;
That
was why the injuries were minimal.
He
quickly dumped the vehicle to junk and bought a new one from the
fresh quota allocated to him. He did not forget to send a telegram to
the ex-officer thanking him for his service acumen.
I had
to deliver it through my special courier service in conjunction with
Apaya International.
He
was an ex-income tax officer who was seen as good choice for help for
Mahana Brahma's Assistant not only as a Flying Officer but also as a
delivery man.
Pelicans
are known to deliver babies to mums at least when the second one
arrives unexpectedly and the first one born asks the silly question
from where the hell the second one came.
The
pelican come into operational requirement of mothers often in the
West but not so much here in Ceylon.
In
this context as a delivery man he does not have to deliver babies but
all what he has to do is to drop baskets full of documents to sea
often containing false declarations made by expectant candidates for
their next round of birth and to get favours from Maha Brahma's
Assistant.
When
he thinks something is cooked up especially coming from Ceylon,
the assistant delvers them to
the pelican to be dropped to sea so that the ink and all the
forgeries are wiped out by the ocean currents (the ocean can take any
rubbish come what it may).
On
his return pelican has to pick a
few of them back to heaven
and the assistant checks to see if any merits are left tangled with
the soggy paper and if not delivers them straight to Appaya (AI)
International with a tag number for prompt action.
At AI
the soggy paper is irradiated with UV light and then a special black
ink is sprayed and that is when all the Papa Karmas are exposed for
my equation to take cognizant and automatic reprisal by Apaya
authorities.
Unlike
in the heaven my equation has to be modified when new crimes like
that are committed by American investors and speculators are
discovered.
Very
severe scrutiny is done unlike the Federal Regulators of USA.
The
pelican is the go between the Apaya and the Heaven.
In
some cases when the documents are landed on high ground or floating
ice, there is a chance some might escape the sea currents and get a
respite but if they are discovered on a subsequent birth it is not
the pelican who is punished but the holder of the certificate.
Pelican
has no jurisdiction in matters of merits and demerits but only a go
between and a mechanism of delaying merits or demerits so that
backlog is prevented at the any entry point be that it may be Apaya
or Heaven.
Pelican
navigation skill are considered to be complimentary to the
operational mechanics.
How
he became a trainer Flying Officers was purely an accident by meeting
our crab and the tortoise at the lake side.
He
was offered foreign currency initially by the Air Marshal but when he
decided to pay that in Ceylonese equivalent
of Rupees he really got annoyed since neither Apaya nor Heaven
recognize Ceylonese Rupees.
That
is why he deserted the Flying Operations in mid air.
I
have suggested to remedy for
this situation soon with a
plastic card that automatically converts itself of the credit balance
to the currency type moment the airspace of the country is entered
but there are few navigational glitches / hitches when the pelican
decides to stay in border zones like Palk Straight and the likes.
It is
currently worn around the pelican neck and it has dual responsibility
of location guide and a currency conversion. Once it is tested to
Apaya AI’s satisfaction it will be used by our pelican and he may
decide to return to his substantive post on Earth but that is all at
his discretion.
